Ramblings of an old Doc

 

 

 

Cyberbullying is a very worrisome thing. Children don’t know how to cope with it, are sensitive and easily hurt.

There have been suicides because of this occurring on social networks.

“The statistics on bullying and suicide are alarming:

Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.
Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University. A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above.
According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying.” – Statistics on Bullying and Suicide

What can you do? Well, the first thing is to become cyber literate. The next is to get this free pamphlet Microsoft is offering.

“Nearly one in five students has experienced cyber-bullying, according to a February 2008 University of Toronto study of 2,186 students. And cyberbullying often happens within their peer group.

Bullying online is at least as frequent as bullying in the schoolyard because kids can’t see whom they are bullying and therefore don’t understand the results of their actions. In fact, a 2005 study for the Media Awareness Network found that some kids act bolder online for this very reason: 10 per cent of children from Grades 4 to 11 have assumed a false identity online so they “can act mean to people and not get in trouble.

Keep private information private. Many children and teens unwittingly give out too much personal information. Help kids understand the dangers of posting personal information and encourage them to use the privacy settings on social networking sites.
Know who your friends are. The best way your kids can prevent bullies from contacting them is by adding only close friends and trusted people to friend lists. If your kids wouldn’t talk to a person at school, then there’s no reason for your kids to talk to that person online.
Monitor Internet use. Tell your kids not to delete their search and chat histories. The History and Favorites folders show your children’s Internet footprints. These folders tell you which web sites your children have visited and could help if you suspect a problem.” – Elysse Zarek

What should you do if your child is being bullied?

Use privacy settings. Explain to your children that they don’t have to put up with nasty e-mail or instant messages. Show your kids how to use the security features to remove bullies from buddy lists, says Grandmont. Responding to bullies will only make the problem worse. Tell your kids to leave an online forum if they feel uncomfortable.
File a complaint. An ISP can cancel a user’s account or shut down a web site if there is evidence of inappropriate behavior. The ISP or the web site provider may ask you for copies of chat logs or printouts of the offensive material before taking action, explains Sgt. Robyn MacEachern. Make sure your kids don’t delete their search history or online conversations. MacEachern also notes that the police and schools will want the history if an investigation is launched.
Apply the real-life test. If you’d call the principal or the police in real life, then don’t hesitate to get them involved now. That’s exactly what Powell did when she discovered her student’s problem. – Ibid

 

 

 

Sources and download links:

1. http://www.microsoft.com/canada/home/safety-and-security/articles/taking-aim-at-cyberbullying.aspx

2. http://www.microsoft.com/security/family-safety/cyberbullying.aspx

3. http://www.microsoft.com/downloads/en/details.aspx?FamilyID=a839127e-493a-4207-bed4-5733f68a31ee

The above is in English. Other languages are available.

4. http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/bullying-and-suicide.html


Comments
on May 14, 2011

Be careful if you decide to file a complaint, call the principal or the police.  Retaliation can be a bitch.  I have a close friend who "acted" on cyberbullying directed at her teenaged son.  If she had a do-over, she wouldn't have went this route (probably would have taken the law into her own hands, maybe ended up in jail herself, but that would be easier for her to live with than what her son ended up with).  Teenage girls can be easily manipulated by peers and consent laws in Florida suck.  Bottom line, is a good kid who would have made a fine Marine and was headed in that direction, is now banned from military service and is having to file as a sex offender...all because his mom decided to teach some cyber bullies a lesson.

on May 14, 2011

I always get angry when I see the advice: "put the computer/TV in a central location so you can check what the kid is doing". That will work until the kid is 10 or so and then he will fight for his privacy.

Some of the advice is sound but I think kids need to be taught to FIGHT BACK!   Show some BALLS!

This reminds me of when I was new to the internet....I was raised in a bit of a pacifist way and was THAT a big mistake my mum did....I didn't retaliate to some abuse which I absolutely should have done!   If I would have been young (10 years old) when Xbox Live was new then OMG I would have gone all Lord Xia on people

 

Calling the poliiiice and the authorities is a sign of weakness. If you need other people to fight for you then you're a wimp!

 

File a complaint. An ISP can cancel a user’s account or shut down a web site if there is evidence of inappropriate behavior. The ISP or the web site provider may ask you for copies of chat logs or printouts of the offensive material before taking action, explains Sgt. Robyn MacEachern. Make sure your kids don’t delete their search history or online conversations. MacEachern also notes that the police and schools will want the history if an investigation is launched.

 

You can explain Xbox Live now

on May 14, 2011

Campaigner
Calling the poliiiice and the authorities is a sign of weakness. If you need other people to fight for you then you're a wimp!

If that's what 'you' believe then fine. Don't suggest to others that they should do as you do. What works for some may not work for all. See reply #1.

on May 14, 2011

How did he get to 'sex offender' from being bullied, Karen? They fake testimony?

on May 14, 2011


Quoting Campaigner, reply 2Calling the poliiiice and the authorities is a sign of weakness. If you need other people to fight for you then you're a wimp!

If that's what 'you' believe then fine. Don't suggest to others that they should do as you do. What works for some may not work for all. See reply #1.

 

Wasn't a suggestion. Just saying what I think.

 

The first reply as I understood it was that the mother called the police and that for some reason got her son stamped as a sexoffender. Which in that case meant that calling the police and authorities was a BAAAD move.

on May 14, 2011

DrJBHL
How did he get to 'sex offender' from being bullied, Karen? They fake testimony?

He's 3 months older than his girlfriend -- she was ALMOST 16, and he already was 16.  She invited him over to where she was babysitting, he came home with hickies all over his lower torso, he's not denying they had sex, but it was consensual--even the girl admitted it was consensual, however the state of Florida doesn't consider girls under 16 to be UNABLE to consent, so they called in statutory rape.  This never would have seen the light of day, had she not told her friend, who then told the boys who were cyber bullying my friend's son, and they decided to get even by calling the police (as retaliation, since my friend had called the police on THEM for cyber bullying).  So now the kid has a record for statutory rape.

Her son is a straight A student, was in the Young Marines, with leadership awards--the kid was going places.  When the Young Marines found out, of course they kicked him out so as not to disgrace their organization.  His grades are dropping, he now has a legally mandated curfew, I THINK the last she told me was that he wouldn't qualify for student loans for college when he graduates...pretty sad tale.

He never should have admitted anything--I've taught my kids well, to keep their mouth shut if they're ever arrested, until they have a lawyer.  You can't get in deep trouble for stuff you DON'T say.

Anyway, anytime I hear the term "cyber bullying" I'm reminded of this nightmare my friend is still going through, and thought I would add the warning for others.

on May 14, 2011

Stupid crap. The Judge could have been tough on him to age 18 then expunge the record so he goes to the Marines with a clean record.

Too bad the Judge had no imagination. Also too bad he couldn't keep his face shut.

on May 14, 2011

It's sad, no doubt about it, but on the bright side, this way there is no way he will die in some godforsaken desert fighting the war on terror.  I reminded my friend of this--when my oldest was in Iraq for those 4 years, that was the hardest thing I've had to go through (and I've gone through a lot of crap in my life).  I have a real soft spot in my heart for military moms.

on May 14, 2011

And on the darker side he'll have to register and report as a sex offender for the rest of his life.

on May 14, 2011

That is a total miscarriage of justice, no doubt about it.  I don't believe that if someone is that close to the age of consent that the person should be labelled a sex offender just for one "technical breaking of the law".

Basically, the judge obeyed the letter of the law while totally butchering its spirit.

Best regards,
Steven.

on May 14, 2011

Yeah.  Life's not fair.

on May 14, 2011

Can be.   Not all the time though, not in every situation.

Best regards,
Steven.

on May 15, 2011

Looking at the research on this topic, it is humorous that many steps have been taken by schools and education officials to put and end to school bullying while doing little to create an environment wherein bystanders are held accountable for lack of intervention. Bullying is not something new or modern, but has a long history. Some researcher have claimed that bullying creates a desensitization of violence in the bullied and those around them, yet this logic seems odd when one considers the history of the world. Up until modern times, the violence inherent in the world was well known and accepted by most human, yet in the modern world where many children are brought up almost completely ignorant of the harsh realities of nature, we find that bullying is having a overly harsh effect on the bullied that has never really existed previously.

on May 15, 2011

Kenata: The violent bullying is really not the most problematic or important kind. Minor violence can be gotten over fairly quickly, and anything serious is extremely rare and will pretty much always be dealt with severely. Social bullying is much more significant, because it's very common in some forms, because it can effect the psyche and stay with a person for a long time (especially in the midst of puberty-related identity issues) and it's socially acceptable, at least within the subgroups and cliques that perpetrate it.

On the statutory issue: Yeah, that's how it goes. There are always stupid situations that come up. On one hand it's obvious that some 30-year-old creep could coerce a child into consenting, and we really shouldn't have stuff like that be legal. But no matter when you set the age, there will always be borderline cases like this, where that's obviously not the case and no real law enforcement should occur, because even if a law was technically broken, there was no ethical foul. Normally that would happen, but unscrupulous people with a grudge will take advantage of anything they can. There's a law in some states (including California where I live) that it's legally permissible for people within two years of each other to have sex even if their relationship crosses the Age of Consent barrier. This is the best legal situation I've heard of. It's not perfect (what if a 17-year old and a 20-year old are in a relationship?) but it works okay for most cases.
Damn shame about the registered sex offender thing, and I feel for the poor kid.